Which Way to Love? Is it Here? Or is it There? Is it Anywhere?

I want to acknowledge group friends that I have recently been inducted into. Your mom probably advised you not to fall into the wrong crowd ( especially the ones with sister wives and kool aid) I am quite certain that I fell into the right crowd. They haven’t offered me any kool aid and always encourage me to explore my own brand of creativity. They are great examples of chose your own adventure. So if you are looking for friends, my advice would be to stop reading my blog and start creeping people at the gym (worked for me J) . Pick the group of people who are laughing until their crying and not crying cause they have self esteem issues (people like that are energy suckers).

 I have a friend who bakes delicious cupcakes. I always make sure to call her around my birthday just to remind her that certain Asian Fortune Cookie is waiting for her home baked goods. My friend’s name is Cupcake and on that particular day she was telling me how she was looking forward to going on her blind date (online dating site). When I asked her what they had planned to do on their date, she replied with the hope that he (date) would plan something interesting. Then I asked the question that was apparently loaded with the gun powder of a thousand Asian fire crackers, “what if he asks you what you want to do?”  "What if he says he is down with whatever you want to do?"

Warning to all gal pals: WRONG FUCKIN QUESTION.

 Cupcake...who is normally as sweet as her confections, put on her red HULK face and exploded. It went a little like this..."I am so tired of having to plan out the dates! For once I would like to find a man who takes charge of the situation. I need a man who is a good leader with BALLS!" Get in line honey...Canada has been waiting for one of those since Pierre Trudeau.  But even then Margret was rumoured to have had affairs with Fidel Castro, Ted Kennedy, and a member of the Rolling Stone (insert sarcastic shocked face).  So there you have it Cupcake, it isn’t the size of a man’s balls that counts. Maybe it is the size of his dick or rather if he is a dick...let’s ask Nixon to weigh in.

Surprisingly the next day I met up with another friend who weighed in on the plight of the dating scene. I couldn’t even begin to describe my friend to you but rather I will just “mind photo shop” you a mental image. Two Words:  Jew-ish She-Ra (Princess of Power).  She is your modern day independent woman just trying to figure out how her cultural roots fit into her Coach clutch. While smoking a little purple velvet( legitimate) in a dark and sultry Sisha Bar in downtown Toronto, our Hookah conversation drifted towards how we as human beings define a successful first date. A few descriptions come to mind at this point. Success = successful completion of rehab or mental health facility, not being pranked on MTV hit series Disaster Date, and maybe just general cleanliness. Those are pretty good human standards since animals go right for the butt sniffing...Hello! how about initial eye contact? Maybe ask first?

 Lucky for me Jew-ish divulged her own story of dating in the trenches. Dating in the trenches is what I refer to when your date goes downhill and you can do nothing but duck and take cover. So here it goes! A story in which should be shared for all single beings who might be swayed to put on their rose coloured glasses of desperation. Jew-ish is an outgoing girl from the city her had just returned home from a once in lifetime trip which ended in the closing of one chapter and the start of a new one.  Although, she once knew her beloved city like the back of her hand, she was now a new immigrant to the dating scene.  Since we love our technology, why not marriage that into our quest for marriage. Thus, online dating was born. Stigma died. Jobs were created. Scammers and Cheaters Flourished.  Lonely hearts still exist.  Ask me how I feel about solving world hunger? Same as I feel about online dating.  Get the drift? 

So anyways, Jew-ish went on a slew of dates and some were good, some were bad, some were drunk.  On this particular date Jew-ish soon realized that the idea of equality had turned the tables on her. She met this particular guy (personality: self absorbed douche) at a sports bar, probably Filthy McNasty ( It’s a chain not the description of the guy). He was there already waiting for her and had two drinks in. [pro: time conscious con: two drinks in, sports bar, no gentleman's gesture]. He starts off by clearly stating the rules. Equal responsibility for the bill (fair enough but she had one drink and he had two drinks plus a pitcher). Give him the benefit of the doubt...he was a history high school teacher not a rock scientist. Then when asked about her situation she was honest and explained that she was in transition from her return to the country and was currently living at home (with a respectable job). He was in transition too, at 33 with a permanent teaching job (don’t worry I get it my mom makes good lunches too! I  hate bread crust too) When she challenged his views in teaching he was appalled that she would overstep her bounds as an apparent “nobody”  As a teacher myself, I have to tell you a secret, being a teacher usually means you are a public servant to the people. Yes. Times have changed...servants can be any colour and are usually university educated. So in reality, this guy is a servant to acne ridden skateboarders. Not to worry, he is not a total write off, he gave her many compliments. It was a little sideways though, “we are two good looking people, I can really see us together” Sorry ugly people you better get out of line and go drown yourself. Needless to say after suffering a loss of $22.31 that night Jew-ish did not return his three utterly stale text messages. I think his last text message to her was...I know you didn’t find someone better than me because I was the best first date you ever had. Sing it to someone else Beyonce. Check Please!

What life lesson have we learned?  You Decide.  Draw the line. Change the line. Change Sides. Just Be Happy. So I leave you with some of my ideas of what would make great first dates. Thank me later just don’t kick me on the street when things go haywire.

1.    Seagway Tours in the Distillery District (Toronto Only) :I believe that it is the perfect first date in the city. Here is why. City people are picky (it’s not your fault..You come from the land of plenty of choice) I come from a remote northern city, our only choice is which unemployment line to stand in. Going to the Distillery District is perfect because you can choose many  different  paths for the date to take. 

     If you are a recovering alcoholic and not ready to be honest. Might I suggest a Mayan Hot Chocolate from SoMa or any equally quaint coffee bistro.  If you are in denial about Alcoholism then you can take your date on a distillery tour. Mill Street! Sake Factory!  No one will notice you brought your own funnel.

Oyster Bar:  for the sex addict

 Art Gallery: to drool over finger painting that costs $10 000.

                Seagway Tours:  of the district for the outgoing adventurers or nerds

Either way you can tell very quickly what kind of person someone is by the date options someone choose at the Distillery.

2.    Free Festival: Any kind of festival is wonderful especially when it is free! It allows us to be creative and to easily slip away into the abyss of people when our date is a dud. I have two friends who found love at a random bass festival in some dinky hunky dory American town. Three years later, with one dog and one house, I have learned that they have split. Amicably? Who Cares! Love Died. Lawyers Cackled.

I should also disclose that night festivals are not advised for blind dates or first dates. During a night festival in Toronto last fall my sister squashed all over my brilliant night festival date idea when she asked me if I liked my body chopped up in a black garbage bag. No Thank You. I will pass. Call Me...Wait...Don’t Call Me...Stalk Me?

3.    Do Drink ‘n’ Hike: The last time I went on an official date in my hometown of Thunder Bay was what I call the Drink ‘n’ Hike.  You know when people say they love the outdoors and hiking and long walks on the beach...Well Fucking Prove It!  Make a plan to meet at a trail. The city would love to know that you’re making use of their facilities. You pay taxes right? All you need to bring with you is your favourite coffee shop drink to trade with your perspective date. Just make sure you ask about allergies or dislikes. If someone offers up their dislikes to quickly and earnestly...they have Asperger’s. Don’t be turned off. The plus is that they will never lie to you. As an ice breaker you could use the drink choice to start the conversation, especially if it is a first date or blind date. “MMmm whipped cream topping...I didn’t know people were into that besides strippers” (not like that dufus..but you get what I am saying)  I don’t really recommend alcoholic drinks. It doesn’t make you look bad ass but rather a wino. Think about it...bagged alcohol down by the river bank.

4.    Free Concert with Yogi Bear: Just let me set the tone for you.  Cozy (has to be small-ish for the snuggle factor) flannel plaid blanket with a cute picnic basket ( filled with delicious things that Yogi bear would love...none of that air filled dry pink cloud in my mouth zero cal shit) Fill it with sandwiches you have to hold with two hands. Crust On (otherwise your date will know you live with your mom). Celery Ants On A Log!  As the night sets it gets surprisingly cool. Boy Scout guidebook says you need to make use of body heat...genius light goes on! So that is why God gave us arms. This is the best case scenario.

    

     Fear not! I also have a worst case scenario despite the fact that my mom did not enrol me in Girl Guides ( I learned survival on the streets) Worst Case Scenario is that your date is a total AssHat and is apparently deaf and ungrateful about attending a free concert. So you suggest getting closer to the stage to get a better view. The t whole time you know that in a matter of minutes the crowd will be erupting in an outrageous mosh pit. Make sure to ask your date if they have a pre existing heart condition before even thinking of attempting such evil behaviour.  If you get separated so be it! You should have thought about dressing up like Where’s Waldo beforehand.  Just make sure to disclose that if you both get separated that you will meet at the car at the end of the concert. Then enjoy your concert! Just don’t mack on some slutty groupie that is just crass and inconsiderate. A physical trample takes less time to heal than its emotional counterpart.

5.       Light Post Event: Now this one is for the bravest, most outgoing, Carpe Diem type. I have never attempted this but this idea is too brilliant to keep to myself.  Do you ever notice how light posts are covered with random advertisements ( punk shows, yard sales, missing cat, community events)? Well they are the pioneers to our modern day community bulletin board.  Meet up with your date at a light post or community bulletin board (the best ones are at the grocery store) and pick something random off the board or post. Anyone for beers at angst ridden punk show? Strawberry Social with old people? Church yard sale for Haiti? Agricultural Fair! You really have to make sure that your date is outgoing enough for this challenge otherwise you might end up having to call your friends for a ride home.

       Have fun. Love can be found anywhere. Even in the lost and found. Try Aisle 4. Try Online. Just make sure you don't let the stray STI follow you home.

Yours Only In Writing,

Tamantha K Lam

When Travelling Down the Road to Love Perhaps It's A Good Idea To Use The Car Pool Lane

I am an old fashion kind of girl and I have old fashion ideas about love and where to find it.

First you get into the check-out line (like at the grocery store). There are those that have the "golden ticket" and find themselves in the express lane. And then there are the rest of us who have to wait in lane 4, 5, and 6 (clutching our baskets of emotional baggage. CLEAN UP IN AISLE 4!). Then when your number gets called up you smile nicely at the check-out lady, politely say thank you, collect your soul mate and quickly GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE CHECK OUT LINE. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. BE COURTEOUS. This is the law of efficiency...the more people you can get through the check- out line...the less people whine. UNICEF should start a new division and call it Hungry For Love.

And that my friend is how finding your soul mate works. The return policy is very strict, there is no budding in line, and if you ask for more than one…I will personally stone you.

So when it came to mixing technology into the equation of love I was skeptical. I still am. I mean finding lust on the interweb is easy...literally it's free, but love...that something that requires special handing when delivered. However, the times have changed. Granted we are bouncing back from the recession quite well, but what about my heart? Where is the love stimulus plan for my life? So when my friend the Fair Maiden had brought up the idea of speed dating...I laughed erroneously...then paused...then gave them my credit card number.

Let me just state before I continue on this story that this except is not about me putting myself out there for the world to tear apart. But rather my personal observation of how we as human beings put ourselves out into the universe. Will this story reap the rewards of bravery? Stay Tuned.

I signed up for speed dating for two reasons...one to find a great story and the second to see what everyone else had thought about me outside of my own orbit.  Please take this excerpt only as a funny story and not true experience of what it might be like to participate in speed dating. I didn't go there looking for love because I am truly convinced that my own path to love will lead me to someone who already exists in my life.  And that they are just being a DICK and hiding from me. 

I WILL FIND YOU AND HUNT YOU DOWN.

YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE.

HERE’S LAMMY! ( yes. I felt the need to go a little Shining on you guys). I am just trying to hit the point home that if I had found this special person sooner we would be like the Duggars instead of this crappy blog being my baby.

So for all of you single men out there currently in my life...I have and or will be photo shopping our faces together just to see what our future kids might look like. If the kid turns out ugly...you’re not the one for me. Don't worry I won't try to hump you at anytime during our friendship...I will use a flight simulator for that.

Back to the Story. 

While surfing the web late one night (get your mind out of the gutter...okay fine...I did...only in the name of research ) I decided to find out how technology could help me find love. So I went to the Single in the City website, gave them 50 dollars, and lied about my age (I wanted to be in the same group as my friend). And that was it...with the click of a button the world knew I was single and ready to mingle. 

Leading up to my Fast and the Furious date event, my friend the Fair Maiden, gave me a lot of good advice. Wax and/or bleach your moustache, take laxatives to lose weight, and practice flirting. Shit! I really needed my moustache...I like to stroke it intellectually while contemplating my blog. The dating website that I signed up for also sent me some advice...and a wavier ( WTF!). Here are the rules...don't talk about any criminal records, past relationships, and smile a lot. And the wavier...that was the best part...we are not liable if someone stalks you or you get in a brawl over a guy in the parking lot. 

Holy Effin Jungle Fever! I saw this once at African Lion Safari.

But just in case...I am going to shave my legs...back in 5 minutes!

Boy I am smooth ;)...or at least the lower half of my legs are. I have a pretty pink dress on and some high heels..I look like a flirt. I showed up at the Fair Maiden's house because  we planned on carpooling together ( Oh yah!! Note if you ever attempt this..go to a different city and go in a group...it's like the Jungle...strength in numbers and it’s a surprise attack).  Here is where the going gets good.  The Fair Maiden recently made it through the check- out line. Yup, someone snagged her up...What's that poem again..

Nice to look at

Precious to hold

Once their broken then their sold

The Fair Maiden is now partnered with Boyfriend Bob. So speed dating was literally irrelevant for her but like a trooper she forged on with the debacle to support her friends. Boyfriend Bob even offered to look after her kid. Have you ever heard of anything so nutty? My boyfriend is looking after my kid while I go speed dating.  If it were any other situation I most certainly would not encourage this kind of behavior. It’s called being a Greedy Gus. The Fair Maiden also brought along her friend whom I call Lucky Cathy because she is the kind of girl who makes her own luck. I certainly would not bet against her cause her business is certainly a gamble. So we all hop on the 403 or as I like to call it..The fast lane to LOVE. 

Dear city of Burlington, Lock Up Your Men! We have just set out our man traps for the night. Yes. That is exactly what I was thinking as I entered the soon to be crime scene. I say this because I am that confident that at least one of us stole a heart or two.

So here is how it this new fangled idea works. You get a sticker with your name on it, a geographic location to station yourself, and a liability form. Fantastic start! We make our way to the bar to fill out the liability form. The bartender is probably an aspiring underwear model (oh gosh big surprise) maybe he will help me fill out my liability form.  

Date: ( I am suppose to write Tuesday, May 31, 2011) Instead I write Yes and Please.

The bartender howled. Quick insert a semi colon winky face ;)

I really wanted to blurt out...Nice Shoes!. Wanna be Sole Mates?

Okay so the Fair Maiden and Lucky Cathy have done this once before so they were pros at scoping out the scene. Turns out you have to look at both the guys and the girls. Who you are up against and who you want to press yourself up against. Not to be judgmental, but nobody is going to find love tonight...at least not sober. Oh the procreation horror!

Here is the plan.

Fair Maiden: Because she is unavailable has to ask the difficult questions to help the screening process along. Example: Why are you here?  Is there something wrong with your ability to find normal people?

Lucky Cathy: get obliterated on cranberry vodka and try to get the bartender in her pants. Mission half accomplished. She passed out at the end of the night and may have gotten barf IN her pants.

Tamantha: Find great story. Hope that someone hypothetically wants to date her

So I devised a secret written language that would help me decipher what I thought about each guy. 

SW= sweaty G=gay T=toupee J= judgmental  W=why me? 

After about 5 dates and 25 minutes later I made a startling discovery. Apparently everyone has the same interests. The guy in the toupee and the stock analyst enjoyed the art of cooking. Single people enjoying cooking…sounds a little suspicious to me. Have you ever heard of Lean Cuisine going bankrupt on the news? Never! Cause where there is loneliness there is always a low calorie frozen dinner. Give it up! We know you don’t just eat one. The guy with the convertible and lisp guy both loooved Europe and golf (in the words of Goldilocks...this one is too white...this one is too rich ).  
Wow! You enjoy the adventure of the outdoors too! I also have the same interests. Do you enjoy walking out doors? (p.s. it's not a hobby..It’s a mode of transportation given to you by God) How about breathing? Do you enjoy that too? Fantastic. Let's procreate we have soooo much in common. After the first hour, I decided to get creative...I started telling people that I am a story teller. Eventually, I even revealed to the host of the event that I wasn't actually here for love but to find something good to write in my blog. His response was “but you are single right?" Oh for sure. I am legitimately single. But my friend over there isn't single anymore. She has a boyfriend. He is watching her kid tonight. Insert colon smiley face :)

 My favourite bachelor that night was none other than the Polish Prince himself. He was a treat. At this time I will need you to start reading this in your best or worst eastern European accent.

Prince: So tell me vhat is innnteresting about you, that is innnteresting toooo MEN!

Me: Oh heck, that is a stumper...honestly I don't know. My friends think I am funny. (I am surprised that this answer did not make him fall for me)

Prince: So can you describe yourself in a few words?

Me: Sure! I am funny ( as state before) I am sturdy( shit i should have used that for my first answer) I am easy going.

Prince: (this is his response to my answer) I am not stressed. I am not stressed at all. I have done this TWICE! However, I am compassionate, blah, blah I am a vegetarian.

Me: Oh that’s interesting. May I ask why are you vegetarian?

Prince: Uh Duh!...cause I am COMPASSIONATE (please not the earlier answer) I am compassionate which is why I am vegetarian.

Me: Okay. I am compassionate too. I am being compassionate right now…at this very moment.

So the night ends with the Fair Maiden and I clicking yes to all of our 5 minute suitors. You have to do this in order to find out who is interested in you. Then in a few days you will get emails from men who are interested in you. While I wait for my prince charming I will write in my blog. 

You've Got Mail. I got three responses and here they are in all their glory.

First Response

Hi Tamantha

Great we matched. You looked more than pretty in pink. Where to for us? Give me some suggestions since I am up for anything. Talk soon.

Sincerely,  Mister Sweats-A-Lot (truth be told I shoke alot of sweaty hands that night)

2nd Response

你好Tammy,

I have a confession to make… I was a little startled when I saw your last name.

You see, when I was a child and lived in Oakville my Grade 3 teacher’s name was Miss Lamb… and Miss Lamb always use to put big red X’s across every single answer I got wrong.

I have just one question I have to ask you Tammy, and please be honest with me; you don’t carry a big red pen with you, do you?

Be well,

The Silver Fox (please stay tuned to my next blog post..it will explain a lot)

I could not have scripted this any better if I had written this for a sitcom. The moment I read this part of the blog to my friend the Fair Maiden her eyeballs suddenly fell into her  lap and she howled with laughter. She got the same teacher story I did about the red pen X's from the Silver Fox, only he used her last name in lieu of mine. So naturally I emailed him back and told him I thought his 3rd grade teacher's name was Miss. (insert Fair Maiden's last name).  Silver Fox my ass...lol try Silver Dog.

3rd Response ( and my most favourite)

Hi Fair Maiden! I am the Polish Prince. Words cannot describe how grateful I am to have met with you. Thank you for your interest in me. I found your personality very charming. You clearly protruded from the crowd. I am interested in meeting you in person. Please provide me with your phone number and email me. I look forward to your prompt response. 

Oh boy did I email back...wouldn't you if a guy emailed you looking for the wrong person.

Here is his response : Hi Tamantha!  I made mistake. I apologize. Thanks for your response.  May I have your phone number please? [ go protrude yourself Prince Alarming]

So there you have it my speed dating results. And if you are wondering about the Fair Maiden she got 9 responses without trying. She is my hero. I have challenged her to a jello wrestling match to win the heart of the Polish Prince. And Lucky Cathy...well wouldn't you know it...she is headed to Las Vegas.

While speed dating is not for me, it might just be for you. I am surprised by my reactions to my speed dating experience. I came out of this experience a little fearful about the future. Even though I wrote about the hilarity of different characters, they are just human beings simply looking for someone to love. And although I am never one to worry about time, I wonder if I should start worrying. Is love just another rat race?

What do you think?

Yours in writing,

Tamantha K Lamb

Everyone has a Cautionary Tale...Mine is About the Boy Next Door

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Scarred By A Ladder

For those of you who recognize the character of my first story please feel free to give him props for providing me with such humorous material.  This is a true story of my teenage life no details or thoughts were elaborated.

If I ever choose to be in a romantic relationship with a woman it will be because of this real life event pushed me into it.  I met Ladder Legs in the 9^th grade. We both came from different school but on the same side of the city (it matters). He was tall and goofy and we became friends almost immediately. We didn’t have class together so you know that the universe had set this up. We were always meant to be friends. Ladder Legs had a friend named Steve. Steve dated my friend Lindsey. These names are not made up…I just had a lot of white friends. It was your typical high school dating style…leaning against the locker and walking around the school holding hands and flaunting it over pathetic single people. Fuck you in considerate assholes…its not my fault God gave me the gift of sight. It’s like old couples you see walking the dog on a beautiful Thursday evening holding hands. I call them Double Assholes. We get it you survived the true test of love….gravity….he he he you know what I am talking about (boobies tucked into the waist of pants) Okay no more giggles. Back to the story.

Welcome to the last day of school before Christmas break. I remember looking in my locker mirror (don’t judge it’s not vain. People need to check their nose for boogies) Enter Ladder Legs who is now standing behind me. I know its him because I can see his knees in my mirror. Did I forget to mention that his dad was probably Andre the Giant? As he folded himself in half to reach my view point he says “We should go for coffee with Steve and Lindsey sometime or maybe go to the movies to see Titanic” To this day I am convinced he was just suffering having to inhale smog at such low elevations. 

Here is where I have to explain how I daft I really am. It is obvious enough to a turnip that I was just asked out. Hooray to 9^th grade Tammy!  Only it would have been nice for 9^th grade Tammy to get a clue.  I am Helen Keller’s clone. You need to physically spell it out for me in order for me to get it. It’s a medical condition. The saddest part of this story is that over a decade later I still need someone to smack me over the head when it comes to reading the signs. Don’t worry I promise not to procreate on purpose . History has taught us that if Tammy is out with you and she has her glasses on…she has no freaking idea that it’s a date. 

 

Asians + glasses= job security. Asians+ glasses+ date= oh lord you get the picture.

Are you wondering if Ladder Legs called? Well he did…kind of…Lindsey called on behalf of him. I got the call twice.  I was busy being oblivious while practicing to become a proper piano prodigy with a math degree.  Christmas ended and we all returned to school. Needless to say I did notice that day that Steve and Ladder Legs were acting strange. That is until Steve and said the following string of words to me that will forever be burned into my memory. “Tammy, Ladder Legs wanted me to tell you that he doesn’t want to go out with you anymore. He is breaking up with you.”   

The following is my 14 year old thought process.

HOLY FUCK TIME SPACE CONTINUM! How did I just miss out on my first high school relationship? This is bullshit…First comes marriage then comes baby…WHATEVER! First comes the dump? What the fuck was I doing while this was going on?  I am a hibernating bear aren’t I? I am mortified and stunned. I have just made teenage history to be the first and only person to be dumped by a guy I didn’t even get to start dating.  Dear Seventeen Magazine…you did not prepare me for his..10 ways to bedazzle shit isn’t going to help me now. I need kid's helpline. Last swear…Bullocks!( for the 18 and under crowd) Cocksuckers!( for the damaged and angry). Insert small emotional scar. To this day I am firmly convinced I will revert to this very memory when I so traumatized by men that I begin to date the crazy creature..thy name is woman. 

Please keep in mind we were kids when this story happened. Don’t you remember how shy you were with the opposite gender.  I am happy to report that Ladder Legs went on to become a superstar athlete in high school and university hauling in the pretty ladies by the boat load. He also has a beautiful goddess he calls girlfriend.  Our friendship dissolved that day I was dumped by Steve and Ladder Legs.  Me? My life is great. Soooo great I'm blogging about my hey days.lol

.

A new chapter was born out of all this. Do you want to hear about it? No? Then effin leave this blog and surf for porn. I don’t care. I am going to tell you anyway.

Three years ago, I moved away from my home town in a random turn of events. Do you know who the first person I saw in this new city? Ladder Legs! I even went on to pay him to impart his superstar athlete knowledge and make me a better person. Truth time..I paid him to be my friend. I have recently stopped paying him to be my friend about a month ago. I have faith that our friendship is not based on money.  I know this because he shares with me his own stories and they are a true testament of the strength and focus of his character.

 We should never assume that people will stay in your life just because you are not ready. There is no need to worry though; the universe will always bring them back to you. That is if you deserve it. Always trust that the people who have been placed in your life are there for a really special reason. Give them time and space to show you something beautiful.

With Warmth,

Tamantha.

An Introduction To Love

I have the sincerest love for story telling. They give me just enough hope to not condemn society for life. The truth is that I will always have endless love for people because of their stories they share. But I can honestly say that I hate the way society has a way of killing the beauty of an individual person. 

This is my first time blogging and for those of you who have known me for a long time the idea of putting myself out there must mean that the world will probably implode in the next 10 minutes. So here it goes…This blog is about love. I thought I would blog about romance but what the fuck do I know about romance…absolutely zilch..I am Asian we understand the assembly and design of electronics…how the spark works is beyond our practical reasoning. Essentially that is how match making happen in Chinese history…according to me.

But love now that is something I can provide some commentary on. I must warn you that if you are choosing to read this in hopes that I will reveal some secret truth about romantic love…then get in line or watch the woman’s network on tv. This blog is about how humanity teaches us how to love each other. The stories that you will read in the next little while are yours and mine, told through my brown almond shaped perception. I dedicate this to all the wonderful people in my life. Crashing into you is no accident...that I am certain of. 

For those of you reading this I hope that you fall madly in love with my stories. Nothing would validate my exisistence more than if you were to share with me your own stories of love. Please enjoy the comic relief that is the tragedy that is mine or possibly your love story. I guess it really depends on whose story is more entertaining or cut throat.

  

Since the world has not imploded I suppose I should share with you my first story. I have affectionally entitled it Scarred by a Ladder. Laughing out loud is encouraged.

Please note that if you wish to comment on my grammatical structure or the technical aspect of my writing. I have this to say...GO FUCK YOURSELF! IT'S CREATIVE WRITING ASSHOLE. I will find you and ninja chop you in the throat. Smiley Face. Please enjoy my verbal vomit.